Robbies Jokes

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Part II?

What do a meteorologist in a snowstormand a woman’s sex life have in common?They’re both concerned with how manyinches and how long it will last.

An academic problemIn a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, “When will the girls and boys meet?” Mathematician: “Never.” Physicist: “In an infinite amount of time.” Engineer: “Well… in about two minutes, they’ll be close enough for all practical purposes.”

If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s noone there to hear it, does it make a sound?Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.

If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is an exception to every rule.If we accept “For every rule there is an exception” as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception tothe rule that for every rule there is an exception.

“Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible.” “If this doesn’t work, beat the shark with your stump.”

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.”The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Handy guide to modern science:If it’s green or wriggles, it’s biology.If it stinks, it’s chemistry.If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving bythe regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the humanbrain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.