Robbies Jokes

“I’m in love with my horse,” the nervous man told his psychiatrist. “Nothing to worry about,” the psychiatrist consoled. “Many peopleare fond of animals.As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are veryattached to.”"But, doctor,” continued the troubled patient, “I feel, ummm… *physically* attracted to my horse.”"Hmmm,” the doctor asked, “Is it male or female?” “Female, of course!” the man replied.”What do you think I am…GAY???”

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believeshe is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and afriend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.”Why are you so afraid, you’re not a grainof wheat after all,” his friend asked.John replied, “You know it and I know it,but the chicken doesn’t know it.”Sent by Marc

Most dentists chairs go up and down, don’t they?The one I was in went back and forwards.I thought, “This is unusual.”The dentist said to me, “Mr. Owens, get out of the filing cabinet.”

Don’t you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you’resitting on the examination table telling him about yoursymptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs alittle further away?

A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two orthree.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor offered. “Take these pills and come back in a month.” The man did and a month later he was again asked by the doctor, “How many times did you have sex last month?” “About two or three times.” the man answered again. “I can’t understand it,” the doctor continued, “you should be doing much better than that.” “I don’t know,” replied the man, “that’s not bad for having no car and a small parish.”

A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years.They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water.Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water.Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water.After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks, “Can you tell me what’s wrong with me Dr.?Dr.: Yeah. You do not drink enough water.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?When it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there.

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: “Well, what can I do for you madam?”.The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: “You can discuss any matter with me, everything is strictly confidential.”So the patient says: “My husband complains that my pussy smells bad, is there a cure for this?”"Sure”, the doctor says, “It can be a fungus, or a little infection, nothing unusual, please undress and lay down, so I can examine you andprescribe a treatment.”The woman undresses, gets up the bed and with her legs spread waits until the doctor attends her. He comes in, walks towards here, starts gasping for air, covers his mouth and nose with a hand and runs out of the office. After a minute or so, he enters again, covering his mouth and nose with one hand an a 7 feet wooden stick with an iron hook on it in the other hand.”Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, what will you do to me?” shouts the patient.”Nothing”, says the doctor, “I’m just going to open the roof window a little.”

The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple. “Young lady,” he finally announced, “no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven’t any milk!” “Of course not!” she shrieked. “It’s not my child, it’s my sister’s!”

A young lady walks into a doctors office. “Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge” The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says “how does that feel?” Young lady, “Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!”